Growing Up
by emhmom
Summary: I think JE's Steph is pretty selfish leading two men on. My take on a reality wake up call. Babe story, Morelli friendly. Loosely based on Kayne West's 808's and Heartbreak album. Standard disclaimer: not mine, not making money.
1. Heartless

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not making any money. Loosely based off the **lyrics of Heartless by Kayne West. I HIGHLY recommend listening while or before reading.** (Direct quotes in bold, slightly stolen in italics.)

**TANK POV**

By choice, for the last month, we've seen a lot less of the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. Oh, she still works at Rangeman part time and Ranger still has us on Bombshell Duty, keeping an eye on her latest escapade, but the core team and I rarely volunteer anymore. I make the schedules and pass the job off to the newbies. It's not that we love Steph any less, we just care for our brother more. And, Steph, well, she's been doing a number on him for far too long.

We often believe our souls are black or in some cases, lost entirely, but Ranger always managed to stay whole, to keep focused on why we do our job, on keeping his men alive, on getting us all home. He formed Rangeman so that someday we'd have a semblance of normalcy when our government jobs were complete. It wasn't an enemy but rather a breathtaking, blue-eyed, brunette that snuck under his defenses and stole his soul.

Ranger was making plans to leave Trenton and permanently live in Miami when Connie called in her favor. Ranger was instantly captivated and stayed. We didn't know by who until he brought Steph for the redecorating job. She was stunning but not his normal type of girl. Not only that, he had never included a woman in his business. We were confused. I confronted him about it when I was recovering.

"Ranger, man, what are you doing? What are you getting out of this?"

"I don't know Tank. This is going to sound so cliche, but she lifts me. Makes me want to be a better man. She's got this history with Morelli, and **well, I got homies, but in the end it's still so lonely**."

And that was all the answer I got from him. We helped her off and on. She came in and did office work and searches from time to time. While the sparks between her and the boss were evident, she continued off and on with Morelli. First she moved in, then they fought and she moved out. Back and forth, off and on. When they were off the Boss often left in the middle of the night. Sometimes on foot, sometimes in the turbo. Usually he turned the trackers off, but I knew where he went. _I don't know what they've been through. I don't know about him & her, I know him. But there is talk and talk and talk and talk. I think they should just knock it off._

I hear from Lula that Steph _tells her friends that she's leaving_ Morelli. Lula says _I don't see what she sees in him. But wait a couple months, then you gon' see. She'll think she'll never find nobody better than him._

Doesn't she see what she is doing? There is no love lost here for the cop, but shuffling between the two...**how could she be so heartless?**

I stopped in Ranger's office one day after Steph stomped out in a tizzy. Sighing with his head in his hands he said **"Why is she so mad at me for? I don't know, she's hot and cold. I won't stop, won't mess my groove up. Cause I already know how this thing go.** I'm not good with words, how else can I prove myself to her?"

Ranger pulled a team meeting five weeks ago. Said he was leaving Trenton. Said it was for good. **"I know you just can't believe, I could just leave it wrong. And you can't make it right. I'm going to take off tonight.** Tank you're in charge. Let Steph keep her job. I can't be here anymore."

We've lost our best friend, our brother, because **somewhere far along this road he lost his soul to a woman so heartless**. Orders are orders, and we'll continue to help Steph. But right now we can't be her friend, treat her like our little sister anymore, not when she's breaking our brother's heart. On the streets **I hear 'em talk, the coldest story every told, about a woman so heartless**.


	2. See You in My Nightmares

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not making any money. Loosely based off the **lyrics of See You in My Nightmares by Kayne West. I HIGHLY recommend listening while or before reading.** (Direct quotes in bold, slightly stolen in italics.)

**MORELLI POV**

I've been undercover on assignment for a month now and it's been incredibly enlightening. Allow me to explain: I have loved Stephanie Plum since I was eight, took her as mine when she was 16 and hooked back up with her recently. But, as I've been rolling in Sin City, I've realized I'm not in love with Stephanie Plum. And, even more importantly, I've decided I no longer want, under any circumstances, a 'burg life.

This enlightenment has actually come slowly, like the breaking of dawn. First, Steph and I have a weird relationship. I love her, I want her to marry me, I want to knock her up and have her raise my children, warm my bed and tend my home. Well, at least I did. That was before she told me she loved me. Before the Scrog kidnapping. Before Manoso.

Our relationship was strained before then. We both had commitment issues. Steph's divorce had really taken a toll on her. I guess, in reality we were fuck buddies...oh, and hot damn, did we fuck. That woman is amazing even if she won't do kinky shit. However, I still held out hope for a long term relationship. Something more than pizza, beer and Ranger's games. But, after Manoso was shot, our relationship really deteriorated. It became obvious to me that they cared for each other greatly...even if neither would admit it.

I actually started to question our relationship when Steph was on the run from the Slayers. Something had changed in Steph a few months prior and heck if I knew what. _I figure I got the right to put up a fight, but not quite, because she cut off my light._ I wanted her in a safe house, but she refused. _ But my sight was better that night and I started to see her in my nightmares. How did we get there? Once we were a fairytale._ Always, when she was in danger she ran to him. Never to me. I would have put my badge on the line for her if she asked. She never did.

Her doubt about Zook being my kid while seemingly innocent, was a clincher. If I had a kid, I'd take care of my own. It was painfully obvious how much she doubted me. How little I meant to her. She was heartless. She stole my soul and gave me nothing back. That's when my love for her started to die. Eventually even the lust wasn't going to be enough anymore.

We were in an off phase so I didn't even tell her I was leaving in person. Just sent her a text "out of touch, on a stakeout, Joe". And with that **I got my life and its my only one. I got the night. After tonight, there will be no return. After tonight, I'm taking off on the road.**

Now, six weeks later, I'm loving my undercover identity. Sure, I'll have to give it up when the case is over, but that doesn't mean I can't continue the same lifestyle. I'm free here. Free of the expectations of the 'burg. Free from my reputation as a womanizer, as a good cop, as a Morelli. I can have any life I want here. I don't need cases of Maalox. I don't need to see Manoso and his goons. And, I don't need Stephanie. I don't want Stephanie. Since she can't choose I'll choose for her. And I choose me. And, I choose all those hot Vegas women who can be any fantasy I want. I can start over...any way I want.

Yep, I'm done waiting for Stephanie Plum to make up her mind, to stop teasing me with her body, her smile, her bright blue eyes. I'm taking my soul back. Good riddance.

It might have been a little harsh, but I sent Steph a text to break up. "Cupcake, ** I'm finished. I thought we were committed. I thought we were cemented. How I thought we meant it. Now we just forgetting. Now we just resenting. And it`s all because of you. Girl we through. You think your shit don`t stink but you are Mrs. P-U. And I don`t see you with me no more.** Tell whoever you want, keep it to yourself, I don't care. -Joe"

I don't know how fast the news will spread in the 'burg or if she'll just keep it to herself. But, I know this, she doesn't know where I am and people will be talking when the 'For Sale' sign goes up on my house later this afternoon.


	3. Love Lockdown

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not making any money. Loosely based off the **lyrics of Love Lockdown by Kayne West. I HIGHLY recommend listening while or before reading.** (Direct quotes in bold, slightly stolen in italics.)

**RANGER POV**

I left Trenton six weeks ago. I was driving back to the office after visiting Julie when Kayne West's voice crooned through the radio: **I'm not lovin' you, the way I wanted to. What I had to do, I had to run from you. I'm in love with you but the vibe is wrong and that haunted me all the way home.** Jeez, if that wasn't right on.

Yep, I was a chicken shit. I ran from Steph. My babe, the queen of denial, couldn't see what I put in front of her. The way I was always there for her, always supported her. Everything she needed in a partner, I offered. Everything except the words. Well, I said the words, but I put qualifiers on them. Qualifiers that if taken at face value meant one thing, but when looked at with my actions, meant so much more.

I missed her so much. Tank was keeping me up to date. Although he asked me why the hell I was torturing myself. Why did I go to Miami to get away from her if I was only going to be reminded of her daily. I told him to shut the fuck up. For my own peace of mind I needed to know how she was, what she was doing. For my own peace of mind, I couldn't be that close to her to find out for myself.

A week ago the cops house went on the market. I found that intriguing and made some inquires. Apparently he was deep undercover with the FBI on a case in Las Vegas. Tank said Stephanie never said a word about any of it. Ironically the news about Joe came the same day the offical memo went out about the staff changes at Rangeman. Lester told me later that Steph had found out about the memo. I didn't mean to hurt her like that. When I asked Tank not to send the memo to her I figured it would be easier for her if I was just gone. Another mistake on my part.

**Two weeks later......**

Two months I've been in Miami, _but I can't escape from Stephanie. So I keep it low, keep a secret code, so everybody else don't have to know._ Tank has started just emailing me updates on her. Easier for us both. I got a call from the General today. Wheels up at 0400, headed to hell, AKA Afghanistan.

**Four months later.....**

This mission has been long and hard. I've only been able to make brief check-ins. This morning I was finally able to touch base with Tank. Steph's been slowly integrating into Rangeman, doing client meetings and helping with more and more of the paperwork. Tank said she was doing great and he didn't know how he'd have done it without her. He also said, he was stepping down as soon as I returned and I could have my damn job back, he didn't want it. I laughed. He also mentioned that Joe was still out of the picture and Steph seemed mostly content with herself. She quit going to dinners at her parents and was training with the guys. He'd offered her an apartment on four, but she refused. She did however, work with Hector to design and install a security system in her apartment. That made me feel better. My heart swelled with love for her. But here, at war, I can't afford that kind of distraction. _So I keep my love locked down. I've gotta keep my cool, so I keep it true. I got something to lose, so I gotta move. I can't keep myself and still keep her too. So I keep in mind, when I'm on my own. Somewhere far from home, in the danger zone. Keep my love locked down._

**Spring the following year.....**

I'm finally back from this mission, a little worse for wear. I've been debriefed and retired. Yep, my contract expired while I was out on this last gig and when I asked, I declined to renew. It's been over a year since I've seen my Babe. Tank's kept me posted on how she's doing, but _ no more wastin' time, you can't wait for life. We can't just be racing time, looking for the finish line._ I've been down this road, too many times before. This time I'm going to find my 'someday.'


	4. Coldest Winter

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not making any money. Loosely based off the **lyrics of Coldest Winter by Kayne West. I HIGHLY recommend listening while or before reading.** (Direct quotes in bold, slightly stolen in italics.)

**STEPH POV**

I hate myself. I, the self-proclaimed Queen of Denial, have been kicked out of my kingdom. My new reality is so awful they've canceled all flights to Denial. Let me sum up my life at present: I've blown up more cars than most people own in a lifetime. I've had more stalkers than a movie star has paparazzi. I've rolled in nastier garbage than a NY garbage truck. And now, through my own failures as a woman, I've lost the love and friendship of two amazing men.

Ironic that they both stepped out of my life at almost the same time. Ranger left for Miami on a Friday evening. And the text from Joe about his new undercover assignment came the following Monday. It wasn't until today that I realized neither was coming back. First, Joe broke up with me...via a text message! Could you get any more impersonal? No offer of friendship. Just "Girl we through". I tried to take a trip to Denial and worry about it later. We were in an "off" phase anyway, right? We can talk when he gets back from his assignment. But then I started getting the phone calls. First my mother, who I ignored. Then Mary Lou and Lula. Joe's house was up for sale. The listing agent told Mary Lou that the owner had left the state and wanted to sell the house ASAP. He was even willing to cover all closing costs. I called Eddie to see if he knew what was going on. He said he didn't know. Joe was deep under cover with the FBI and no one knew where. I tried to call Joe, but got a message that said his service had been disconnected.

Ok, I said to myself, pull it together. I wandered into Lester's office hoping to talk to him. He's been distant lately but he's still my favorite Merry Man and the easiest to talk to. He wasn't in his office so I sat down at his desk to wait for him. I didn't mean to snoop! I was spinning slow circles in his chair when I hit the mouse and woke the screen up. There on the screen, larger than life, was a memo to all Rangeman employees informing them of Ranger's permanent move to Miami, Tank's promotion to CEO in Trenton and Lester's promotion to Tank's right hand man. I looked at the date on the memo. It was sent first thing that morning and I knew for certain it wasn't in my inbox. I had been deliberately excluded from a company wide memo.

With that realization, I felt the blood drain from my face and a crushing weight settle on my chest. I couldn't breathe. Gasping and choking on tears, I felt a large hand push my head down between my knees. "Breathe Beautiful," came Lester's soothing voice. "What?! Why?" I demanded.

Lester squatted next the chair and looked me in the eye, "Really Steph?" His eyes were soft and sad, "You can't collect men like Barbie dolls and only take them down to play with when it suits you." Standing he said, "Take the rest of the day off. We'll see you Monday." And then he walked out of his office.

I stumbled out of the office and drove to Mary Lou's in a daze. Giving me a sympathetic look, she opened the door and went to the kitchen to grab me a beer. "Thanks," I stammered, before sobbing out the whole story. ML knew about my history with both men, the arguments, the making up, the Deal with Ranger. "You finished?" she questioned. I nodded.

"Ok then, this is what I think. No, you aren't a horrible person. Yes, you've been selfish. Yes, you're right, Joe should have loved you for the person you are and not asked you to change. But, by the fact that you continued to go back to him, you were letting him know that you weren't that serious about your convictions. You kept putting down a line in the sand, but allowing the line to be blurred. You didn't want the committment Joe offered, but you wouldn't just let him go either. I mean seriously? You let him get you to come back with lines like "Bob and the boys miss you." Steph, for Christ's sake, you let him woo you by talking about his testicles." I grimaced...she was right about that.

"Now, about Ranger. Ranger is a smart man, a military strategist, a leader, a mercenary, a successful business owner. Do you really think a man like that, one trained to withstand any torture the enemy offers, is going to randomly throw his heart to a woman who can't make a committment? Who decorates her apartment like a college student? One who has a hamster for a pet? Who got conned into a dog, but gave it away?" Ouch, that hurt.

Not pulling any punches, Mary Lou continued, "How many times has he helped you? Rescued you? Guarded you? How many times have you called him for help and he's just came? Have you ever asked yourself what you've pulled him away from? What he was in the middle of doing when you called? Yes, Steph, I know you've also helped him. You helped him with the Ramos murder, when his daughter was kidnapped, with that Dickie fiasco and with the kids that were robbing his clients. But we both know why you did those things for him. You care for him. You consider him your best friend, next to me, of course. And you love him."

"I know you want to think that he doesn't love you, love you because of all the things he's said, but if you really consider them along with his actions, I think you'll find there was more to them that just the words. He gives you expensive cars like their nothing, possibly killed for you, scared an old lady out of her house and led a four hour search party for you..." She paused. "I think Ranger left because he couldn't find any more ways to show you he loves you and he was protecting himself."

Getting off the couch Mary Lou said, "You're welcome to stay if you need to Steph, but I've got to get dinner started." I hugged her tight, said thanks and took off. She'd given me a lot to think about.

Reflecting over a carton of Phish Food, I thought, who was I fooling thinking I could have two alpha males to myself forever? Enjoying the benefits of having steady Joe in my life and reaping the adrenaline of having Ranger as my best friend. Ha, best friend, I'm a horrible friend. ML was right, I'm horribly selfish.

I'm not sure who I was more unfair to: Joe or Ranger? Probably it doesn't matter. I don't deserve love. At least I still have a job. Should I keep the job? Hmm. Ranger always said I had good instincts and the guys hate doing the searches. Maybe I can make it up to Ranger by being really good at my job.

**Three months later.......**

Two months ago I found out that Ranger was called away for another government mission. I haven't heard a peep from Joe. His house sold to a nice family with two kids and a dog after three weeks on the market. His mother packed up his personal belongings and it sold furnished. She's keeping very tight-lipped. No one seems to know where he is. I'm still hurt, but I'm getting over it.

Stretching, I leaned out of my cubicle and glanced around. It was getting late and I was just finishing my searches. Light still streamed out of Tank's office. He and Lula are dating again. They seem to be getting really serious. I'm so happy for them. "Goddamn it!" Tanks shouts from his office. I get up and wander over to his door. "You ok Big Guy?" I ask.

Sighing, Tank says, "Fuckn' paperwork. I told Lula I'd be home in time to take her dancing."

"Can I help?"

Tank looked up sharply, "Really? You'd do that?"

"If you want me to. I did major in Business, you know." Besides, I thought to myself, just one more way to try to make my stupid behavior up to the guys and Ranger.

Tank grinned, "Well, then Bomber, if you'd just slide your chair over here next to me, I'll show you what to do." And, before I knew it I was buried in forms, reports, requisitions and time cards.

**Three more months later.......**

"Hey Tank, here's that priority search and the reports from yesterday."

"Thanks Bomber." The guys have started being friendly again. I went with them to play pool the Friday before last and tonight we were going dancing. I haven't been out since a few weeks before Joe and Ranger left. I just didn't feel up to going out with the girls. I quit going to my parents for dinner after my mom tried to set me up a couple times. I'm proving to myself again that I can stand on my own. I did it after Dickie, I can do it again. I can work with incredibly sexy men and not feel the need to jump them. I don't need a man, I don't need a man, I don't need a man...that's my mantra. To be honest, my heart still hurts so much over Ranger, I can't bear to look at anyone else.

I'm over and done with Joe. It doesn't even hurt me to think about him anymore. In retrospect, I don't know why I got back with him. Ranger, on the other hand, thinking about him causes my heart to clench and my eyes to water. I had to focus on work while at Rangeman to keep myself from breaking down in front of the guys.

Pushing myself away from my desk, I headed to one of the spare apartments on four to get dressed for the night out. I showered and piled my hair up on my head, letting a couple of curls escape around my face. I did my makeup light. I never caked it on Jersey girl style anymore unless I was working a distraction. I had a sweet backless silver dress. A small silver chain across my shoulder blades kept the straps up and the dress from falling off. The skirt flipped out midthigh, perfect for dancing. Sexy silver sandles completed the look. Stepping off the elevator into the control room I was greeted by wolf whistles. I blushed.

We had a great time. While dancing with Lester, he asked me how I'd been. It was the first time anyone had mentioned Joe. "I'm great Lester. Joe did me a favor when he left. It hurt at first, but woke me up and made me realize what a selfish person I was being. I was with Joe but I wasn't in love with Joe. After Dickie rejected me, I was alone for six years. When Joe came back into my life, it filled a hole I didn't realize was there. I didn't want to be alone. I just didn't recognize what I was doing." I sighed and dropped my head to his shoulder.

"What else Steph?" Lester prodded. I burrowed my head into his neck and continued, "Some where between the Ramos incident and Scrog I realized I loved Ranger. I mean, whole souled, life changing, never ending devotion, love. But, Ranger doesn't do relationships, or stupid things like marriage or commitment. So, I never told him. I just stuck with Joe. I doubt you know this, but Ranger & I had one incredibly perfect night together. The next morning, he told me to go back to Joe." Pulling my head up to look Lester directly in the eyes, I stated, "Lester, I wasn't deliberately playing with anyone. I just couldn't face rejection again."

"Oh, Beautiful," Lester sighed, "I'm sorry." He pulled me into a tight hug.

**Another two months.......**

It's been nine months now since Joe and Ranger left. Six months since Ranger left for his mission. Tank's started talking to me about Ranger again. He's still on his mission, but hasn't missed any of his check-ins. I'm doing even more stuff at Rangeman now. I meet with clients, discuss contracts and share the paperwork load with Tank and Lester. Tank even gave me my own office. Christmas was last week. It was pretty uneventful. I spent the day with my parents and Valerie and the girls. My mom only spent half the day giving me her usual lectures. My dad finally spoke up, told her it was Christmas and to give it a rest. I love my dad.

On nights like tonight my resolve starts to fade, **my loves a thousand miles away. Memories made in the coldest winter. Good-bye my friend. Will I ever love again? If spring can take the snow away, can it melt away all our mistakes?** Dick Clark is doing the New Years Countdown...3, 2, 1, Happy Fucking New Years to me.

**Another four months.........**

Well, spring is here. Over a year since Joe and Ranger left me. I'm now well and truly a part of the Rangeman Trenton team. The guys are back to treating me like their little sister. I'm still single. Since I'm part of managment now, I haven't had to worry about being hit on by any of the guys. I'm strictly off limits. The snow is melting. I still have my **memories made in the coldest winter, but I won't ever love again, never again**. I'm resolved to a life as a spinster.

With my office door open, I'm standing by the window reading a report with my back to the door when I notice a hush come over the control room and a familiar tingle spread up the base of my neck. I slowly turned around to see Ranger leaning in my doorway, "Babe."

**The End**


End file.
